i always forget guys have bellybuttons
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
