a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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