JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
