I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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