i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
