we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
