i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
