I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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