Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
