1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize