What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
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I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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