do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
