I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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