Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
ugly people sure do ruin things
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
