Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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