yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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