if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
