I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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