I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How does one acquire holy water?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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