i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
