He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You are a genius and a whore.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
