I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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