Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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