i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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