Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
