giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
