he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
