My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
