i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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