I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
