too bad you live with your parents still
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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