Kareoke will never be a sober sport
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
