Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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