So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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