instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
