ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
