a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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