So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
