Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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