So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
