wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
