we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
