I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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