I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
