i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
