you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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