I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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