You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
