4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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