i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
