My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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