whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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