what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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