Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
