Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
