he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
