I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
