im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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