i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
