my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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