i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
