If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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