i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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