Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
