$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
