Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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