I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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