Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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