Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
