After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
