You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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