If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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