I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
