I want to make a zoo with you.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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