I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
