I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
