If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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