I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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