I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
