her vagine was all disorganized.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
