i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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