whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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