He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
