Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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