I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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